Monday, March 26, 2012


The possibility for titles for this post are endless. 

I have a very busy day, but good busy.  Getting stuff done busy.  I've been busy making my to-do list in my head all morning while I've been busy doing other stuff. 

One problem.  Something else is taking over a good chunk of my brain power.  Something I don't want to think about but I can't stop thinking about.

My husband is at work and my kids are at school, so it's just me at home today.  Only it's not!


And I can't stop thinking about it.

Y'all, there is someone living in my house.  It's my house, I bought it.  Clearly not everyone got the memo.  I'm not sure exactly where in my house, but they are here. I think in my attic.  OK, before you call the psycho ward to come and get me, I'm not going all "I see dead people", they are critters.  Not rats or mice, thank goodness. (I do not know this for a fact, I have decided that it is not rats or mice and therefore it won't be.)  After talking to our pest control company (they just do our regular bug spray treatments) they are pretty sure it's a squirrel.  Because it is active all the live long day.  Squirrels are cute, right?  Scotty boy says they are rats with fluffy tails.  Thanks for that.  Possibly a raccoon. My pest control company also said "ma'am, we don't treat nothin' bigger than a mouse." Ok.  They referred me to a couple of companies who can take care of my "little problem." (I'm picturing an Italian Gangster shoot out) They also told me it can be "kinda pricey."  When I relayed this to Scotty Boy, he said, we can do this ourselves.  So this was purchased at Home Depot.

And it is all set to entice the unsuspecting creature with apples and peanut butter (my friend Laura had this problem awhile back and her traps were set by a critter company with lettuce, I really want them to want to go into the trap so we brought out nothing but the best for our critters!  Aslo, and this could be a post unto itself, her husband, Jeff, had to arm himself with a BB gun and a flashlight while wearing his PJs and safety goggles in order to finally remove their problem). For now, the scratching in the ceiling/walls continue.  And the chatter.  Cause I'm pretty sure there are babies.  (again, not a fact, but it's what my guts are saying.)  I'm also picturing the insurance commercial where the raccoon has been living in the attic and torn up and eaten everything in sight but it was the best week of his raccoon life  I used to think that commercial was funny. 

Let's get a couple of things straight, I'm not going into the attic.  I won't be checking the trap. Not right now.  Might not ever again.  I've seen "When Animals Attack" and I don't want any part of it.  I also told Scott that whenever he wants to check the trap, he needs to be prepared to go release whatever is caught right that second.  I don't want him running up before work to check and there be something in the cage and he can't let it go until after work because there isn't enough time.  There may be a caged animal up there all day, but I don't want to KNOW there is a caged animal up there all day.  Also, I don't want whatever it is to die.  Ok, I know a lot of you are rolling your eyes, but I don't.  What if there ARE babies like I know there are?  How awful.  I can't have that on my conscience. 

 So I need this whole thing to be done just like this: 

 Set trap with delicious treats.  The mom and her babies all walk in together at the same exact time.  The door gingerly closes behind them.  They snack on the tasty goodies while my husband travels with them in their cage to a wildlife preserve to release them to live a long happy life together as a family.  I also picture them waving goodbye and yelling thanks to him as he drives away.

See how happy we all are?

My real fear?  There are many. Here are my current top 3: One, they are going to chew into my AC tubing, watch me through the vents in the ceiling and fly out of the one above my bed while I'm lying there awake thinking about them.  Two, they might die and smell and draw flies and then there really will be dead things in my attic.  Three.  I might need to call on Wesley to come and dispose of my:

Please tell me you totally appreciate my Princess Bride reference!  Don't you worry, I'll keep you posted on what comes of our "little problem".  Scotty boy is contemplating an attic stake-out with Jeff, complete with lawn chairs and beverages, fingers crossed it doesn't come to that. 

Until then, pray for my safety!


  1. I love Princess Bride! Paul and I saw it on a date in high school so it takes me back. I don't love rodents though. Good luck!

  2. I love your posts!! I know you are not laughing but I couldn't help smile while reading this not because it's funny but I can totally picture you standing in our hallway talking your tone and everything. Good luck and can't wait for an update post on this!